The other day a friend was telling me about an offensive bumper she saw at the car wash. It was a picture of the Trix Rabbit (kids cereal) with the saying; “Silly Faggot, Dicks are for Chicks.”
Immediately offended she sought out the perpetrator but couldn’t find him. The location was one of those car washes where attendants clean the inside and outside of your car while you snack on popcorn.
I asked her what she would have said to him (perhaps a her) if she found him.
She replied, “I was just going to ask him if that was his car and if so follow up with … Really? You put THAT bumper sticker on your car?” Followed by another, “Really?”
Looking back on that conversation I wondered how the guy would have reacted had she found him. Would he be defensive, “yeah, really, f*ck you bitch.” Or would he be somewhat embarrassed, “yeah, it was meant to be funny.” Or would he be one of those specimens that really didn’t see the problem with such an offensive message.
Since then I’ve given some thought to the propaganda people put on their cars.
The most offensive are those Obama / Hope stickers. Ha! Just kidding. The real wickedness are the balls. You know the male genitals that macho guys hang in the rear of their trucks. The first time I saw one I had to ask what it was. “Is it some kind of hitch?” I questioned. No. It was an over-sized set of balls.
What type of man hangs a set of blue balls on his truck? I’ve even seen pink ones on a women’s truck. My mind cannot fathom a good reason to hang a set of balls on your truck other then you have a SERIOUS inferiority problem. Would it be considered vandalism if I cut them off? Or would I be making the world a better place?
After the conversation I started actively looking for bumper stickers. There’s a plethora of Jesus fish, pro life, pro choice, political rants and school alliances. Unique bumper stickers are rare, but here are a few that I discovered.
Second most offensive:
The cartoon character Calvin pissing on Obama’s head.
Really? Have some respect for the office.
Reading is sexy
Hmmm … I read a lot and never made that connection.
Do you follow Jesus this close?
Made me chuckle.
My other car is a TARDIS.
Apparently it’s some sort of time machine.
Driver carries no cash. He’s married.
You have to be married to fully appreciate this.
Forget world peace. Visualize using your turn signal.
Turn signals? Aren’t they optional?
I just don’t get this one:
Are you suggesting that coconuts migrate?
What does it mean?
Anti-social dog owner:
The more people I meet, the more I like my Pitt Bull.
I’m guessing he’s not a people person.
Funny cat owner:
If you don’t talk to your cat about catnip, someone else will.
Ha! Fun cat owner.
If you don’t like my driving, call 1-800-EAT-SHIT
Maybe some anger issues?
I love real tits.
Who says tits anymore?
Honk if you collect baby doll heads
While I personally don’t want my car to look like a well-traveled piece of luggage, I can appreciate the statements drivers attempt to make.
What’s the best or worst bumper sticker you’ve seen?